Yes, I am going there! Sex with your ex it’s not what you think it is and this comes up a lot. It can seem harmless, but it’s very harmful especially to women.
As women, we are powerful creative energetic beings. It’s a natural part of our DNA. It doesn’t matter, your race, your ethnicity your family background, all women possess this powerful, energetic, unlimited supply of strength within them.
That’s why women have a more intuitive nature, their emotions are their power.
But let’s get real, being a divorced mom doesn’t mean you won’t have sexual urges. Partner that with the familiarity of your ex and BAM it’s hook-up central.
You want the intimacy and connection which is normal, so if your ex is open to it or he brings it up as an invitation, of course, you’re like, why not!
You know him, he knows you, he’s the father of your kids. What could go wrong it’s just sex right? This is what you tell yourself. Oh, don’t forget to throw in “this doesn’t mean anything, it’s just sex, we are not getting back together”. That’s the one that seals the deal.
It’s all good right?
Wrong!
This is one of the worst things you could do and it’s guaranteed to keep you stuck after your divorce and I’m about to tell you why.
Are you ready for this truth bomb?
Sex with your ex immediately pulls you back into that sunken place. All the negative and toxic feelings that you had when you were in the relationship resurface.
You’ve probably worked hard to get to where you’re ok at this point. Sex with your ex deepens the emotional cords between you. You are now back in his energy field and vice versa.
Whatever reason it was you broke up, whatever you felt in that relationship that was negative, toxic, harmful or destructive it is literally sucking you back into that same place.
You will only notice this if you’re being honest with yourself.
Hooking up with your ex does 3 things to destroy your inner confidence without you knowing it.
Puts you back in your old emotional pattern
So everything’s great when the excitement of sex is building, there’s a reward at the end.
He’s calling, being attentive, saying funny things, But then when everything’s said and done, the next day or a couple of days later, you feel off, or you feel some doubt or confusion around the sex, guilt, and shame might set in, you feel a flood of negative emotions or even worse you might feel false hope.
You start questioning your progress and if where you’re at is the right place in your life. Like maybe he wasn’t so bad when you were married and perhaps you were being too hard on him.
Stuff like this starts coming up in your head and if you’re anything like me you want to figure it out. After a while, it starts draining your energy and you’re thinking yourself tired.
And now you feel down on yourself. Let me explain why this is happening.
It’s because you have come out of emotional alignment with how you have built yourself up to be a strong, independent divorced mother where you’re handling everything. It literally puts you back in a low vibe energetic place.
The negative emotions that you had to deal with in the relationship, like self-doubt or not having the courage to speak up for things you want, or calling him out on his nonsense start coming up again.
It goes in this cycle and it creates this whole other pattern that energetically wears you down. Also, when you’re in that energetic pattern of the old relationship, it’s going to take focus away from what has become important in your new life.
Sex with ex sends a message to the universe that you like the negative & toxic feelings
It’s difficult to create a life you are excited and confident about after you have sex with your ex and invite the toxicity you already left to come back.
Positive energy and negative energy cannot coexist in the same space, consequently, it offsets each other and the net result is a big fat bucket of nothing!
Your ex may not be a bad person, but the truth is there is a reason the relationship didn’t work.
Be ok with knowing the marriage you left wasn’t ok and you did what needed to be done. Be ok with the place you’re at right now even if you miss the intimacy, it won’t always be this way.
You have got to get to a point where you want more than just being in a familiar situation. Unfortunately at that moment, you want to get your sexual urges met by your ex, also gets you a quick fix to a familiar yet toxic pattern.
The days after the hookup takes forever to go through this cycle of emotions to finally come back to a place where your okay, detached from him and feeling good about yourself.
When you keep volunteering to put yourself in this type of space the message to the universe is you like it! This is what you want.
The universe will help you create this over and over and over again until you send a different message. Where your attention goes energy flows.Th
Instead of revisiting the past. Start creating the future. Write out what you want in your next relationship. You can write whatever you want. This is for you. Start the narration of this future and feel it in your body, also this gets your mind off the past with your ex.
Stop selling yourself short, you’re ready to date and maybe more…
Hooking up with your ex is a bootleg version of dating. You’re so familiar with your ex you believe that you’re not ready to get into the world and meet new people.
In some ways, you’re already going through the courtship process by hooking up with your ex. the missing piece is a new person. You keep putting your ex in the place where a new opportunity could be.
Now, this doesn’t mean you’re ready for a full-blown relationship. it just means that you have evolved and now you require something different but you’re unsure what that will look like. This is good. It means you’re ready to get out there and start meeting people. Welcome the change!
Give yourself the opportunity to start meeting new people. Go out and try things you always wanted to try. As long as you’re having fun your emotional energy naturally shifts making you more attractive.
Think about the last time you had fun. Everything was effortless. You probably met someone you didn’t think you’d meet, you were probably more open and accepting and you were less judgmental.
All of these lower your guard to let your true self show up. Find something fun to do, something that really interests you that allows you to invest in yourself. Do it and turn off your mom brain for a night or a few hours and just have fun.
If you want more help embracing your independence and getting control of your emotions you can download my free guide How to go from dependent to independent without your spouse
If you’re needing support and a calm, nurturing environment for empowerment after your divorce, join me in my Facebook group here