Let me first say that everyone has a story they tell themselves. It’s usually a story that is fueled from fear, negativity, lack or some other disempowering emotion. The problem with these stories is that it perpetuates these types of feelings and there is never a good ending, unless we decide to change the story.
The story I kept telling myself
The story I was telling myself was a story of dread. The dread of change around a dream I have for myself. I am not really scared of this dream I’m just lazy as shit. I know I have the ability to do it but taking the action steps to actually do it is dreadful. My story is that I should have my own business, as a life coach and writer. I have been telling myself this since I was a child. In this story of my entrepreneurship dreams I am telling myself that to do all the things required to be successful is too hard.
“it’s too hard to get up at 4am”, I can’t balance everything, I can’t do everything, I don’t have the money, I will miss out on stuff with family and friends, how will I know what to do, how will learn everything, I won’t have enough sleep…on and on and on.
It all comes back to the fact that each of these things that I am telling myself requires me to change. I don’t think I like change… but who does. From the age of 7 or 8 I would pretend to own a business. I would pretend to own a restaurant, I would pretend to own a store, and I would pretend to counsel and teach people. This is what my spirit knew was in my future when I was only 7 years old but for some reason my life didn’t go that. Now that I recognize this and want to change my career I cannot get passed this dread of change.
Change is hard, its time consuming, it’s awkward, it makes you vulnerable. Ding, ding, ding! That’s it! Omg- it makes you vulnerable and Lord knows I am not comfortable being vulnerable. : O
How my story became “MY STORY”
So let’s back up a bit and review some back ground info on me. Both parents came from Jehovah Witness households and raised my brother and me as Jehovah Witnesses. I am not a Jehovah Witness today. I am a spiritual being that appreciates spiritual experiences not religious experiences.
Anyway, this feeling of being uncomfortable with vulnerability started during childhood. In my household and within this religion it was looked at as a weakness to need help or to go outside of what was perceived as “normal” by Jehovah Witness standards. Normal meant anything not having to do with dreams, fantasizing, imagination or pretending. So to think in terms of actually having my own business was a fantasy so to speak. As a reality, it didn’t come into my frame of mind until my mid 30’s. Even still the vulnerability I felt was uncomfortable so I would give up or put it on the back burner.
As time went on I’d get that feeling again to go rogue and want to start a business again. Again I would get amped up, start, realize I’d have to admit vulnerability to the world and I would shy away and back off.
So when I orignally wrote this post it dawned on me that vulnerability was taught to me as being a bad thing. FYI – it’s not a bad thing and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s just your true spirit showing. It’s like being at a new school all over again, every single day, until you hit a realm of clarity. It’s like knowing the world is scary as hell but you want to go outside to play anyway. Maybe you’ll make friends, maybe you won’t, maybe they will like you, and maybe they won’t. It took me 40+ years to realize I am suppressing my spirit, the me that God made me to be all because I had this limiting belief locked way down deep.
It was and still is up to me to stop believing that story. To own who I am, all of me, the vulnerable side too. To nurture it and let it fuel my curiosity instead of fuel my fear.
Once I discovered this limiting belief about myself I understood why I was doing what I was doing. But the trick was I had to face up to the vulnerability inside of me. Being vulnerable is being human, I couldn’t run from it. Matter of fact it had been haunting me because it fed my lack of self- confidence.
So the new story I began telling myself went a little something like this
I am successfully transiting my career into something I love and I am naturally skilled at, coaching and writing! Transitioning out of my old mind set will be done with ease and flow. I will maneuver seamlessly through the changes of my mindset, my life and my work to make my mark and be a major influencer in the personal development space.
I will touch as many people as I can to help improve their life in a genuine way. I am going to work side by side some of the most impressive people I’ve ever come across and I am learning so much that I will have a ton of value to offer those that I am blessed to work with. I will live in freedom. I am creating new dreams and new goals that once this goal is met it will be seen as a small step toward what God has waiting for me.
Let me say that creating this redefined version of my story helped me to be clear on 2 things. What I want and why.
Once you are clear on the what and the why you can start to create changes that result in a more positive life.
My what: to be a life coach and writer
My why: to influence and help people in a genuine way
Ok, now it’s your turn. What is the story about yourself you would like to redefine?
Take a moment or 2 and think about the dread, the fear, negativity, disempowerment, or lack of confidence you feel around something in your life.
This works best if you can get some time alone in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.
I will be honest with you. This did stir up some emotions when I did this exercise. Do not let that scare you.
Emotions are gateways to freedom. Take it in one moment at a time and let it flow.
Once you have identified this something that you have been telling yourself ask yourself how you would like to redefine it.
- What would you like to be different?
- How does the different look?
- What goals would you have?
- How would you complete those goals?
- How would you feel?
- What kind of people are you interacting with in this new story?
- Be bold in your new story. There are no rules.
This new story is for you and you only, no one needs to see it.
However, when you settle on this redefined version, remember this is your new story.
This is the story you need to focus on.