I came across a woman that clearly didn’t know how to stop accepting toxic love advice from her mom. She was seeking advice in an open forum. Her husband had cheated on her multiple times, given her an STD, and was emotionally and mentally abusive. When she confided in her mom about her relationship troubles her mom told her to forget about it and stay with him.
I was immediately pissed off thinking her mom would tell her this. This poor woman was already in a bad place and someone with influence over her life gave her toxic advice, AND SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT! This hurt me to my core.
As I went through my day it occurred to me how many women and young girls endure this type of toxic relationship with their mothers, sisters, best friends, etc.
It takes courage to stand up to your mom, even at 35
This lady most likely didn’t stand up to her mom and tell her she was crazy and that she wasn’t staying with her husband. It takes courage to stand up to your mom even when you’re 35.
When you’re in an emotional and vulnerable state like having issues in a relationship it’s even harder to stand your ground and not allow someone to shoot toxic verbal darts at you.
I felt moved to use my gift of life coaching to share some tips on how to stop accepting toxic love advice from your mom. I really want women experiencing this to understand how powerful they are and how to use their power in a positive way to get rid of the toxicity.
This topic is more common than anyone wants to admit. It can feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. Aren’t we supposed to be good daughters and listen to our mothers out of respect and adoration?
Ummmmm…No! Blindly doing what your mom tells you out of obligation to your own detriment isn’t respectable or adoration.
Here’s what you can do. I’m going to share 3 tips on how to stop accepting toxic love advice from your mom right now.
Get Honest with Yourself
First, get honest with yourself. These tips I’m sharing won’t work if you can’t be 100% honest with yourself.
Journal this question and see what comes up for you. Why do you seek your mom’s advice? Spend some time on this question and think without judging yourself about your answer.
In addition, also use this journal prompt to help you get clarity on the why behind going to your mom for relationship advice that is toxic is. How much experience could your mom possibly have in dating and relationships?
Even if she does have solid dating and or relationship experience it’s her experience, not yours.
Take some time by yourself and journal this out. Be ruthless in your honesty. You don’t need to show anyone or share your discoveries. The point of this exercise is to allow your unfiltered observation of why you seek her advice. Is it her approval you want? Closeness? Love? Attention? Discover the real why behind going to her for advice about your relationship.
Say Something to your toxic mom
My second tip for you, say something.
Your voice is your power and it’s how you manifest the life you want and how you get treated. Use your voice!
If you want something to change or stop you have to say something. Say something at the moment that your mom or anyone tries to throw toxic advice your way. Let them know how it makes you feel when you don’t say something you spend days, weeks, trying to disconnect from the toxic words that have infiltrated your thoughts.
Once this is in your thoughts you aren’t empowered and you don’t feel strong enough to make the positive changes you need to make. So you delay taking action. You volley between what your mom said and seeking advice from 5 other people to confirm what you already know. That’s using a lot of your energy to circumvent the toxic energy from your mom.
Save your energy and speak up and tell your mom the truth. Although she might be surprised, embarrassed, or even upset, it’s your life. You have to endure the pain and hardship or joy and light. The decision for which one is up to you.
Space from toxicity
Lastly, don’t underestimate space. Obviously taking several steps back from family functions, calls, and visits can also help. However, it doesn’t solve the issue, it just gives you space to breathe and strategize. Just be sure to use the time wisely to self-care, self-love, and create an environment of positive support to heal from accepting toxic love advice from your mom.
Every family is different and no one knows your family like you do. Take my tips as guidance and go at your own pace.
I am an empowerment coach for women ready to connect to their internal GPS to attract the love & life they want. To get info on my 90-day program Thrive go to www.FarrahBlakely.com or set up a free empowerment strategy session here
Follow me on Facebook @FarrahBlakelyEmpowerment. Leave me a comment and let me know if this article was helpful. I’d love to hear from you.