Tara Brach, Ph.D Psychologist and Buddhist teacher states in her book Radical Acceptance “,,, .holding back any part of who we are and what we feel sustains the trance of unworthiness.”
She is someone that has helped me understand and accept myself, my true self and how powerful my true self really is.
There’s a space between your true self and the self that you believe you are. That space in between is where self doubt grows and is nurtured. Connect to your true self and that space of self doubt starts to dwindle little by little, every day.
In order to replace something, there must be a space for it. I explain all about letting go and getting in touch with yourself after divorce in my Free guide How to go from dependent to Independent without your spouse.
That space is where self love should live and where your focus should be as divorced woman. The reason I coach divorced women is because women influence generations and women make this world go round’. The man may be the head of the house, but women are the neck!
Every single man, regardless of status, is influenced by a woman, which means women are powerful.
Their mother, their grandmother , their wife, their sister are all huge influencers. Think of any man and there is a significant woman in that man’s life that influenced his behavior. Women are powerful influencers but when they go through trauma like divorce there is a scar.
That scar does not define you. It helps create the person you are working towards. But if that scar isn’t healed properly it can harden you and this will impact the people and life around you.
Women underestimate their power of influence.
What often happens is the opposite of power. When you’re going through a divorce or breakup it feels safe to build walls. These walls keeps us hidden. Our true power is not seen and people mistake that lack of power as who we really are, powerless. We think the walls are protection but what ultimately happens is these walls traps us in.
We can’t get out of our own mental prisons. Instead of changing it we accept it as a truth of how life is and this is damaging.
You gotta tear those walls down!
Self love is the answer
Self love is the 1 thing that gives you inner confidence. It may sound woo-woo or gushy but it’s the truth. Everything comes back to self love
Self love will kill self doubt. It will also kill negative self talk, keep negative people from sucking your energy and time, and self love promotes self discipline.
Bottom line – it’s time to put energy and effort into loving yourself first! That’s the only way to ignite your power. In that power is your confidence.
Love your whole self without apology and justification. At your core, your True Self, is freedom, confidence and potential.
To be confident and empowered woman – free of emotional baggage and that you can handle whatever comes your way, requires a different type of mindset. You cannot use the same mindset you had in your old marriage or relationship to create a better life. It doesn’t work!
Below I am sharing 2 ways you can take immediate action and incorporate self love right now.
Be clear on what you want.
Ok, let me stop right here, this one is HUGE. If you don’t know what you want for yourself, you’ll always have confusion and lack confidence. How can you be clear and know what what is best for you if you don’t know what you want. Knowing what you DON’T want is a good way to start.
You don’t need to know every detail because that’s asking too much. You just need vision to know WHAT YOU WANT!
Knowing what you want and being able to articulate it is tricky. It’s harder than you realize because most people name things to label what they want; or they label people they want acknowledgement from. Unfortunately, none of these help build a quality life you enjoy living every day.
Speak, think and act as the person you want to be
Let me just say that I am not talking about the fake it til’ you make it crap. I’m referring to being an active participant in your life instead of only reacting to things that happen to you. Knowing your values makes this step a lot easier to implement. Understanding what’s the most important to you and why gives you leverage to create boundaries for yourself. This is also how you gain control, another component of self love.
You gotta take responsibility for your responses, attitude, thoughts, language, actions or lack of action. Take responsibility for what is in your mind and comes out of your mouth.
Then decide what needs to change in your thoughts and how you speak in order to be the person you want to be, and live the type of life you want to live.
This is the foundation of self love. When you start here you’re activating and filling that space with who you truly are. A confident kick ass woman!
Let me know if this article was helpful. Leave a comment I’d love to see your feedback. Want more support for life after your divorce? Join my Facebook group here