The topic of vulnerability comes up often with women I speak to as something they are scared of. It stops them cold in their dating tracks. If you are scared of vulnerability you either freeze or take flight when it the v-word peeks around the corner.
Here’s the truth…vulnerability = intimacy.
The quality of your dating, relationship, and hopefully soul partnership will be based on your quality of intimacy.
If you’re stopping yourself from dating because you’re scared of vulnerability, then you’re most likely avoiding all emotions within yourself as well, even the pleasure-filled emotions.
Without the good feeling emotions, it’s hard to attract love.
Vulnerability is appearing as you are, being open. This applies to every single person breathing! The difference between people who are open to being as they are and not AS scared to be vulnerable; because every single person has some fear of being hurt at some point, is that they are emotionally secure within.
I got really good at being emotionally secure by being vulnerable and I started using it to my advantage. For many years I always felt overlooked & not seen. I was quiet, the dumping ground for friends and family for their problems, or the person that took care of things but never got acknowledged. For a while, I owned the badge with honor as that’s how I saw my worth but that wasn’t true. It wasn’t until my over-giving to others ran me into the ground and my emotions imploded causing a severe panic attack and weakened immune system.
That’s when I decided to stop taking flight on my emotions and realized I’d have to know my emotions well enough to WANT to know somebody else’s emotions or be by myself. I didn’t like the latter so I put my big girl panties on and started being vulnerable by doing this one thing.
I asked questions.
Yep, not super fancy but it works. Most people hate to ask questions because they don’t want to look stupid. But asking questions actually comes across as you care.
That’s how my journey with vulnerability started. If I was alone I would ask questions out loud to hear myself ask them and then pay attention to how my body responded. There’s truth in your body.
I became a question ninja and I embraced it. I would tell people upfront, ” hey I ask a lot of questions so if it’s too much tell me“.
Not only does asking questions reveal your vulnerability, but it also helps the other person reveal their vulnerability too.
There’s a way to ask questions so it’s interesting and not an interrogation.
You can learn how to stop being scared of vulnerability and be empowered by your emotions so you can attract love in my 4 step process for Self-Emotional Empowerment. I teach this process in my Love by Design program for single high-achieving women who want it all.
If any of this resonated with you I’d love to talk more about your fears around vulnerability and how it’s impacting you. Leave me a comment or click here and let’s chat about it.
Farrah, I’m your Love Coach