“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”
― Mae West
Confidence after divorce requires strategy. The confidence women create after divorce isn’t by chance or that the divorce was amicable. As a matter of fact, it’s not about the kids not being involved in the divorce, having more money, although more money helps, or being the one who initiated the divorce.
It’s none of that.
I’m going to share 3 surprising actions that create confidence after divorce to move on, date, find love, take chances and invest in yourself so that the next phase of your life results in all the love and awesomeness you want.
The first action to create confidence after divorce is deciding what you like
It’s surprising to me that women that come out of a divorce will not take the time to figure out what they like in terms of sex, love, dating, their body, hobbies, their dreams, their passions, their work.
It’s common to feel like you should be punished or you should suffer because of the divorce. This comes from viewing divorce as a failure.
Societal influence and our upbringing have trained us to condemn ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned, we blame ourselves.
This type of thinking leads you to not to want to invest the time and the effort to rediscover yourself. But that’s where the magic of confidence is.
In my coaching program THRIVE, I coach divorced women what steps to take to redefine themselves after divorce. Teaching them how to transform the emotional baggage of divorce into confidence. The first question I always ask is “What do you like?”
You must get super clear on what you like. This is akin to “What do you want?” When you’re clear on these two questions confidence is assured.
The marriage you came out of didn’t have all the pieces you needed. Divorce was the catalyst to help transform the rest of your life.
As a result, I see so many women not view their divorce this way and they sink into the background. They hold on to their identity from their marriage and continue to invest in their past self instead of their future self.
The second action is dating
For some reason, dating has become this negative thing and I don’t know when it happened. Somehow courting, dating, socializing and mingling has a negative tone around it.
When I talk to divorced women I hear them talk about dating like its a futuristic thing which is so weird because it’s 2019. There are women that run companies, there are female CEOs, women that are leaders of countries and worldwide organizations.
Women lead from every corner of our world but somehow dating has become too much to handle.
Dating is so much fun if you do it right. Also, it’s the quickest and best way to figure out what you want because it requires ACTION!
You’ll find out very quickly the type of people you want to be around. As well as the type of person you want to be in a relationship.
I think the misconception around dating for women is that dating is for the man.
That’s a HUGE misconception. Dating is for the woman if you do it right. Furthermore, when you date with the idea of learning versus trying to get something, your confidence increases.
Usually, how you show up in one area of your life is how you show up in all areas of your life. If you think dating is bad, negative, you’re scared of it, you have some timidness around it, you also have those same feelings in other areas of your life.
You know the old adage, use it or lose it. It’s the same for dating. The bottom line is you need to incorporate dating in your life.
The third action is working with a life coach
This is not a self-promotion plug, I promise! Life Coaching is a game-changer. If you find the right life coach to help you after your divorce, it can help with dating, confidence, self-empowerment, changing your mindset and it up-level your whole life.
Life Coaching will definitely change your life. It changed my life after my divorce. It was like I got a whole new set of eyes.
I have used life coaching in several areas of my life for several different reasons and I’ve never been disappointed. However, I did take the time to research and study the coaches before working with them.
Furthermore, each coach had a component about them that I needed to learn and understand so that I could adapt within my own life. I believe it’s the same for you too.
Everyone can have love, everyone can have financial freedom, everyone can travel, everyone can have great experiences in their life. Divorce does not keep you from that.
In other words, divorce is the catalyst to help you transform to the next level of your life.
Divorce does not downgrade your life. You may be thinking, “well it’s easy for you to say. I lost my car and my 5,000 square foot home and now I’m in this one-bedroom apartment.”
That one-bedroom apartment is freedom. What you lost from your marriage has granted you freedom.
That one-bedroom apartment represents the beginning step of a new you. Whatever material thing that was a loss in your dissolution of marriage was your gateway to freedom. Ultimately a new slate to take the lead in your life and create what you want for you.
You get to decide what happens next and that is freedom.
Please leave a comment and let me know if you liked this article or what steps you have taken to gain confidence after your divorce. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share this article.