Hi, I’m Farrah Blakely…and yes I was named after Farrah Fawcett. I take pride in that. Farrah Fawcett was a remarkable woman. I can honestly say I always felt a little stronger for having her name. But not always, by age 27 my life had not turned out exactly how I planned. I married at age 20 and had my first child by age 21 and my second child by age 27. Nine months after my second child was born I was separating from my then husband. I went out on my own creating a new world for myself not knowing anything about anything. I was scared as hell. I had no clue what I was doing or if it was going to work out. The one thing I always knew about myself was that I was a quick learner. I love to learn and education would take me far. So I went back to school, graduated with a Bachelors degree at 35 which led me to later pursue a masters degree. I finished my master’s degree at 39. Everything seemed to be going as planned and I thought I had accomplished everything I was supposed to accomplish.
I had left a negative relationship, I obtained more than one college degree, changed my financial situation by getting a better job to take care of me and my kids, but something was still wrong. I had accomplished all these things but in my mind, I still felt unsettled and confused about myself and my life. I was still trying to prove myself. I was anticipating other people’s wants, ideas and thoughts of me so I wouldn’t be misjudged or taken the wrong way. I still wasn’t confident.
Living from the outside
I was setting goals for myself that had to do with being accepted by others instead of fulfilling my purpose in life from a higher source. This list I was keeping in my head of how to be and how to act and what to say and what not to say, thinking everything out from end to end to avoid making mistakes so I would not be judged. I had great jobs that provided me with great opportunities, but it never could satisfy my need to be fulfilled. At the time I didn’t know fulfillment was what I was missing. I thought it was an acknowledgment from work, needing a higher salary, living in a certain part of town or having a certain type of car, being with the in crowd …ugh. It was none of those things. I was missing being fulfilled and you can’t be fulfilled with things and people. And you can’t reach a place of happiness until you are fulfilled. As time turned into years this lack of fulfillment was compiling, my thoughts were negative and stuck on repeat, of course at the time I didn’t even realize my thoughts were negative and stuck on repeat. My thoughts went something like this…almost every day…
“I hate this job, I’ll never get out of here, I wish I was somewhere else, nobody sees me, no one listens to me, I need to lose weight, I eat too much, I need to workout harder to lose weight, why do I keep meeting sucky dudes, now that my ex is remarried I’ll never get remarried, my kids will not have enough if I don’t keep this job, I suck, I got this job so everything will be great now, I’m awesome now, no one will hire me if they see I’ve had 3 jobs in 4 years, I can’t meet guys on my level because I’m not thin enough….blah, blah, blah”
This list of negative thoughts went on and on and on day after day until it was just too much! It all came to a halt one day out of nowhere. I had an anxiety attack…at work…my first one ever…and no one noticed. It was so scary!
I had never had a panic attack before so I had no idea what was going on. My body all of sudden began to shut down, I couldn’t breathe, I was suddenly incredibly hot, my heartbeat sounded like it was outside of my body it was so loud. I could no longer hear the people in my office.
My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t gain control. Something inside of me told me to relax and calm down. This small voice told me to focus on my breath and everything would be fine. The small voice kept repeating this and I followed these instructions. An hour later I was almost back to being normal again. The very people I was trying to meet expectations for didn’t even notice my anxiety attack. This was definitely my wake up call.
Thriving from the inside
After recognizing this as an anxiety attack and reading more about the symptoms; I realized that I had been having mini anxiety attacks and thinking myself into negativity for years unknowingly. Remember those thoughts that I mentioned earlier that were stuck on repeat, it was causing me stress and anxiety every. single. freaking. day. Where were these thoughts coming from?!
I started noticing how I would worry or stress on sunday nights about the work week ahead if my boss would hate me that week or even worse…would I mess something up. I would think about if I was going to have any issues with the kids, my car, or making sure I did my workouts… blah blah blah.
I did not like having this thing looming over me like a dark cloud, just waiting for my next panic attack. I decided that I was going to figure out why these thoughts and this negative energy had been plaguing me for years. Where these annoying thoughts stemmed from and how I could control it. This led me to research and understand anxiety, stress, energy and our thoughts and how it impacts how we go through life and the reality we experience.
Along the way, I learned so much about different practices and resources that promote a way of life that completely changed my thought process, which ultimately changed how I saw my life. I felt empowered and in control. Changing my thoughts resulted in me meeting goals I’m actually passionate about, removing negative self-talk and mental blocks and increasing my confidence.
Empowered to help others
I have invested in learning and continue to learn about mindfulness, meditation, energy psychology and higher consciousness in relation to being empowered, reaching goals and living a purposeful life. My purpose is to educate and empower as many people as possible to progress through life successfully living their purpose, identifying and removing limiting beliefs to expand awareness and gain empowerment. When you are empowered you always live with infinite choices, not lack. Simply put…when you are empowered you to make better decisions. You have everything within you to live your purpose, the focus starts within.