It’s not easy to get over your divorce but it can be done in a way that is geared toward empowering yourself versus holding on to the hurt.
Divorce requires you to do one of two things.
Either level up your life and become freaking fantastic or stay stuck. My Free guide How to go from dependent to Independent without your spouse shows you ways to level up.
Divorce is like the parallel universe in Stranger Things.
If you don’t know this Netflix phenomenon make this another thing you do to help you get over your divorce.
If you don’t close the gate all the nasty, ugly,harmful stuff associated with your divorce starts taking over your life.
It’s the post divorce demon and this demon needs a host to live in to keep it going.
You’re the host!
All the negative, yucky, worthless emotions will live and breath in you if don’t close that gate.
When you close the gate to that world, you’ll see how kickass you are and how much easier it feels to be confident.
So here’s the 4 things you must do to get over your divorce.
1.Envision the person you want to be after your marriage.
I like to call this your future self. So in order to reach that future self, you have to do the internal work now to get over your divorce. Not later.
I always tell people I work with that want to push things off to later, “later” is the result of NOW. Succeeding at later means you invested in now.
After a divorce there is a period where most people feel they need time to mourn their marriage.
That’s fine. Your marriage was an important part of your life.
The trick is not getting stuck there.
Divorce can be tricky. You think you are moving on and healing when really you’ve been sitting in your head building walls around you so no one can get in.
The problem with this is not only can no one get in, but you can’t get out!
You have to envision your future self. I teach how to do this in my free guide
Create a picture in your mind of this future version of yourself. Think of how you want to look, live, FEEL, your money, friends, places you’re going, things you’re doing, career…all of it.
It could be 1 year after your divorce, 3 years after your divorce or 5 years after your divorce.
Whatever feels like the time frame you need to be this future you.
I suggest only going 1–3 years out. Anything more than 3 years seems too far away to make it a priority.
Then when you start purging your old life due to divorce purge that old version of yourself too.
This requires honesty with yourself, connecting to your true self.
Think about all the things you did that you never wanted to do but you did it to appease your ex.
Things you didn’t really like, ways you put yourself second and wish you hadn’t, how you wanted to change the furniture but never did, how your clothes looked, people you hung around.
Hell go through every single thing from your married life and make a decision on how your future self will handle.
This creates the momentum to get over your divorce.
2. Create your plan
So you know those people that you hear saying “omg my life turned out way better than I ever imagined.”
That’s not by accident.
It wasn’t magic. It for damn sure wasn’t because they’re special.
They just decided on a plan and then began taking action.
You can apply this same concept when working to get over your divorce.
The plan doesn’t need to be perfect or precise. It’s just a plan to get started to go with your vision of your future self.
One important piece to this is to write out your plan.
Don’t worry about if you don’t have all the steps or know the ‘how’ of your plan.
Just write it out in free form whatever your idea is. Make it as general as you need to if you don’t know exact steps.
The exact steps don’t matter. That will come to you once you start on the plan.
This step is important in how fast you get over your divorce, because as your working through this new phase of your life having your mind focused on something positive that directly involves you making decisions, seeing results, and networking with people around this plan will keep you out of your head about the divorce.
Staying in your head about what happened, what should’ve happened, what could’ve happened, and why it didn’t happen in terms of your old marriage is where you get stuck.
The more time you spend stuck in that mental space focusing on the past it becomes harder and harder and harder to leave that space to get over your divorce.
3. Decide the steps to take
This part will explain some of the ‘how’ to the plan you create.
So you got this picture of your future self and you’ve written out a general plan for your life for the next 1–2 years.
Now — let’s decide actions steps to take that make sense for your plan.
The best way to describe this is to see your future self then work backwards.
You’ve completed your big goal or achieved the steps to feel whatever your future self wants to feel.
In your mind when you’re picturing your future self, what was this future self doing 6 months before hitting that goal?
Which activities were your future self involved in just before reaching that goal or feeling you want? Write these down.
Now think about what you would be doing 6 months prior to this.
You see where I’m going?
You’re simply working your way backwards from the feeling your seeking to accomplish to where you’re at now.
4. Make your actions daily habits
The easiest way to start taking action to get over your divorce with this new plan is to think of it as a way of life instead of a temporary thing.
Along the way you’ll have several mini goals but the point of this exercise is to get you active at creating the environment, mindset, and emotions around the type of life you ultimately want to have as your new normal.
You’re probably thinking that habits are hard to create, but not if you start really small.
Ever heard of the compound effect?
It’s a book by Darren Hardy. This book gives you a whole new perspective of how to get what you want.
Basically it teaches you how to gain huge rewards from small and smart repetitive habits.
An example of this for getting over your divorce would be you spending 3–5 minutes a day repeating personal affirmations and visioning yourself getting over your ex.
On the surface this doesn’t seem effective, but over time it reaps big rewards because not only would you find yourself over your divorce, you’d also find that your mindset has changed.
Suddenly you’re more confident.
Your increased confidence helped you in some other area of your life like going back to school to pursue your dream career or apply for a leadership position at work. Then in the process of working on your career and education you start meeting new interesting people that connect you to opportunities….so on and so on and so on.
The habit is the small task of taking 3–5 minutes a day to do affirmations or visualize to feel and think better.
The results of that small task compounded over time increased your quality of life enormously.
It’s pretty damn cool!
Let me know if this article was helpful. Leave me a comment I’d love to hear from you.
Find me on Instagram @FB_Empowerment or Facebook Farrah Blakely