Before I met my now boyfriend, I dated nice guys, jack a@sses, athletes, wanna-be rappers, men that were smart AF, a pilot, entrepreneurs, and an artist.
It was fun but I also learned a lot about myself, the art of dating, and how dating prepares you for relationships.The lessons I learned were necessary. I would have never been able to ready my energy to connect with my now boyfriend if I had not taken the journey of marriage, divorce, AND dating.
Here are the 10 lessons I learned from dating.
1. Be curious – people love to talk about themselves & it’s a free tool that will tell you so much about a person. Don’t be scared to ask questions. Like the weird questions, the thought-provoking questions, the questions that pop in your head that you hold back. Ask those questions!
I once asked a guy on our first date if he ever killed anyone. It just popped in my head. Of course, he looked at me strangely, but I wanted to know. It led to a deep conversation about death and losing someone close to him. I learned a lot that night that changed my perspective. That guy that looked at me strangely is my current boyfriend that I adore.
2. Be Pro-bitch – I’m the nicest bitch you’ll ever meet, (BITCH stands for Beauty In Total, Control of Herself). Owning my bitch kept abusers and narcissists away, and plus it’s a part of who I am. I’m a no-fluff, uncensored yet tactful kind of Empress. My face tells you exactly how I feel and I own that. Some men didn’t like my facial expressions. Some men don’t like my questions. Not my problem. That’s their demon popping up causing issues. I wasn’t changing who I naturally was to please their demons. I had to own it though, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I was ok with it. It didn’t mean I wasn’t worthy, it meant we weren’t a good match. Be that Beauty In Total Control of Herself.
3. Stop trying to be noticed and just have a good time – It takes too much energy to “try” and get noticed. It also sends the wrong message out into the ether. What you’re unknowingly saying is you aren’t used to getting attention or you’re needy for attention. This isn’t true so drop all the mental chatter, anxiety, and build up and just set the intention to have a good time. Lead from your light within and you’ll always be noticed.
4. Apologies are necessary. If you screw up, are late, jump to a conclusion, make an assumption, or get called out on something…apologize to your date and own it. People aren’t perfect and neither are you. Apologizing shows vulnerability and vulnerability is how a connection is made
5. Own your desire – It’s a signal from your inner spirit that knows what you need. Follow it & own your desire. Don’t beat yourself up about it & don’t hide from it. What you condemn is what you push away. Desire comes from self-connection and not all desire leads to sex. You have desires, everyone does. Name it, claim it and be about it.
6. Invest in the love you want – Meals, movies, activities, etc don’t fall out of the sky. If you’re serious about being around people that up level you, like a high-quality man, be prepared to spend money and don’t complain about it. Return on investment is a very real thing.
7.How you feel on the other 29 days of the month will impact that one date – take care of yourself. Make time for self-care. Eat right, have fun, exercise, spend time alone investing in yourself.
8.Men have feelings and want acceptance too – Don’t play games. If you’re not interested say so & mean it, If you didn’t like something say it and mean it. If you had a good time share it with him and mean it. If he paid for dinner thank him for dinner and mean it. If he smells good let him know and most importantly, mean it.
9. Everyone wants to be chased – Show your interest, smile, make eye contact, ask questions (see #1) compliment, ask him out, point your body toward him.
10. Your gut never lies – aka trust yourself. In my coaching program, I teach how to hear your intuition and trust yourself. This is your GPS, it won’t fail you.
xoxo, I’m your Love Coach. Comment below if any of these resonate with you. Tell me your favorite one.