Redefine Your Story, Create a Positive Life

Redefine your Story, Create a Positive Life

Let me first say that everyone has a story they tell themselves. It’s usually a story that is fueled from fear, negativity, lack or some other disempowering emotion. The problem with these stories is that it perpetuates these types of feelings and there is never a good ending, unless we decide to change the story.

The story I kept telling myself

The story I was telling myself was a story of dread. The dread of change around a dream I have for myself. I am not really scared of this dream I’m just lazy as shit. I know I have the ability to do it but taking the action steps to actually do it is dreadful. My story is that I should have my own business, as a life coach and writer. I have been telling myself this since I was a child. In this story of my entrepreneurship dreams I am telling myself that to do all the things required to be successful is too hard.

“it’s too hard to get up at 4am”, I can’t balance everything, I can’t do everything, I don’t have the money, I will miss out on stuff with family and friends, how will I know what to do, how will learn everything, I won’t have enough sleep…on and on and on.

It all comes back to the fact that each of these things that I am telling myself requires me to change. I don’t think I like change… but who does. From the age of 7 or 8 I would pretend to own a business. I would pretend to own a restaurant, I would pretend to own a store, and I would pretend to counsel and teach people. This is what my spirit knew was in my future when I was only 7 years old but for some reason my life didn’t go that. Now that I recognize this and want to change my career I cannot get passed this dread of change.
Change is hard, its time consuming, it’s awkward, it makes you vulnerable. Ding, ding, ding! That’s it! Omg- it makes you vulnerable and Lord knows I am not comfortable being vulnerable. : O

How my story became “MY STORY”

So let’s back up a bit and review some back ground info on me. Both parents came from Jehovah Witness households and raised my brother and me as Jehovah Witnesses. I am not a Jehovah Witness today. I am a spiritual being that appreciates spiritual experiences not religious experiences.

Anyway, this feeling of being uncomfortable with vulnerability started during childhood. In my household and within this religion it was looked at as a weakness to need help or to go outside of what was perceived as “normal” by Jehovah Witness standards. Normal meant anything not having to do with dreams, fantasizing, imagination or pretending. So to think in terms of actually having my own business was a fantasy so to speak. As a reality, it didn’t come into my frame of mind until my mid 30’s. Even still the vulnerability I felt was uncomfortable so I would give up or put it on the back burner.

As time went on I’d get that feeling again to go rogue and want to start a business again. Again I would get amped up, start, realize I’d have to admit vulnerability to the world and I would shy away and back off.

So when I orignally wrote this post it dawned on me that vulnerability was taught to me as being a bad thing. FYI – it’s not a bad thing and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s just your true spirit showing. It’s like being at a new school all over again, every single day, until you hit a realm of clarity. It’s like knowing the world is scary as hell but you want to go outside to play anyway. Maybe you’ll make friends, maybe you won’t, maybe they will like you, and maybe they won’t. It took me 40+ years to realize I am suppressing my spirit, the me that God made me to be all because I had this limiting belief locked way down deep.

It was and still is up to me to stop believing that story. To own who I am, all of me, the vulnerable side too. To nurture it and let it fuel my curiosity instead of fuel my fear.
Once I discovered this limiting belief about myself I understood why I was doing what I was doing. But the trick was I had to face up to the vulnerability inside of me. Being vulnerable is being human, I couldn’t run from it. Matter of fact it had been haunting me because it fed my lack of self- confidence.

So the new story I began telling myself went a little something like this

I am successfully transiting my career into something I love and I am naturally skilled at, coaching and writing! Transitioning out of my old mind set will be done with ease and flow. I will maneuver seamlessly through the changes of my mindset, my life and my work to make my mark and be a major influencer in the personal development space.

I will touch as many people as I can to help improve their life in a genuine way. I am going to work side by side some of the most impressive people I’ve ever come across and I am learning so much that I will have a ton of value to offer those that I am blessed to work with. I will live in freedom. I am creating new dreams and new goals that once this goal is met it will be seen as a small step toward what God has waiting for me.

Let me say that creating this redefined version of my story helped me to be clear on 2 things. What  I want and why.

Once you are clear on the what and the why you can start to create changes that result in a more positive life.

My what: to be a life coach and writer

My why:  to influence and help people in a genuine way

Ok, now it’s your turn. What is the story about yourself you would like to redefine?

Take a moment or 2 and think about the dread, the fear, negativity, disempowerment, or lack of confidence you feel around something in your life.

This works best if you can get some time alone in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.

I will be honest with you. This did stir up some emotions when I did this exercise. Do not let that scare you.

Emotions are gateways to freedom. Take it in one moment at a time and let it flow.

Once you have identified this something that you have been telling yourself ask yourself how you would like to redefine it.

  • What would you like to be different?
  • How does the different look?
  • What goals would you have?
  • How would you complete those goals?
  • How would you feel?
  • What kind of people are you interacting with in this new story?
  • Be bold in your new story. There are no rules.

This new story is for you and you only, no one needs to see it.

However, when you settle on this redefined version, remember this is your new story.

This is the story you need to focus on.

You should be hanging around failures

You should be hanging around failures

 

failure

 

“Being human means you will make mistakes. And you will make mistakes because failure is God’s way of moving you in another direction.” – Oprah Winfrey, https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/oprah_winfrey_757308?src=t_failure

Yeah, I said it. You should be hanging around failures. All your life your parents, family members, and teachers warned of hanging around failures. But what can you learn if all you see is what is perceived as perfection or never having had to bounce back? Failure teaches us who we really are when things get tough. This is when character, strength, mindfulness, and faith get activated. Hanging around failures that are resurrecting themselves, rebranding or resuscitating their life is what our world is made of. You cannot mature and grow up if you do not F* * k up at some point in life.

Have you ever known someone that has absolutely no clue of what the real world offers? Someone that you take to be completely naïve or sheltered but really they are scared of life.  They are way past, I mean way past the green age of like 21, 22, 23 when naivety is expected…they’re like 40 and they still do not get it. These are the people that never reached for anything further than what they could see because they were afraid to fail. Failure is a blessing. You’re probably like how is a failure a blessing when people feel ashamed, guilty or isolated when it happens???

 

rest button

Failure is a free reset button. There is no better excuse to start over in life at any time than after a big failure. The choice is yours but the opportunity won’t last. If you do not realize the blessing of failure and hit the do-over button you miss out on becoming the person you’re meant to be. You end up living in scarcity as a result of the failure instead of living in abundance because you accepted the failure and used it to push you forward.  With failure comes acceptance.

Accept what you learned as a result of falling flat.

Accept that you didn’t know what you were doing.

Accept that you didn’t know anything and thought you were making the right choices.

Accept that you didn’t take the time to learn someone fully.

Accept that you didn’t take time to learn yourself.

Accept that you may have followed someone else’s advice, like a family member that you relied on too much to guide you instead of YOU finding the answers within yourself.

Accept the fact that you just didn’t want to listen and wanted to prove people wrong all for the sake of YOUR ego.

There is enormous value in acceptance after failure. Hit the reset button and start over!

Find failures that are now successful. These are the people that are where you want to be. Find people that went through a ton of crap to make it to the other side with humility, humbleness, mindfulness, strength and character so that when you do fail, and you will, you know it is not the end it’s just a necessary chapter in your story. It is a blessing in disguise and an opportunity the universe is giving you for a do over because they know people are waiting on you, to do what you were born to do.

Do not waste your time hanging around people that failed and never got back up and certainly do not hang around people that refuse to try for fear of failure. Success is a byproduct of failure.

Questions to consider

1) Have you had a recent failure, if so, have you hit the reset button? If not, how has it impacted your life? Answer honestly

 

2) What valuable lesson did you learn about yourself and about the world after a failure?

Desire is the starting point of all achievement

 

desire

Everyone has something unique about them. Everyone has something they desire. Regardless if you believe it or not, you were put on earth with a uniqueness that only you have. The Universe, God, Higher Source however  you call it, is not wasteful, and every and any thing that comes from it has uniqueness. That uniqueness within you is your power. What are you doing with your power? Are you helping someone? Are you creating something positive? Are you teaching something positive?

The Universe, God, Higher Source however you call it, does not bless you with a gift or talent just for you, it is indeed for others.

Whatever you desire can be achieved through connecting with others. It sounds weird because people often times cause more problems than solutions, not because they are trying to but because sometimes they lack self-awareness.  Thinking about connecting with people to get what you want in life sounds kind of difficult.

If you change your thoughts to focus on putting what you know out there for others then its not so difficult. To get what you desire  teach what you know, share what you know, do what you know,  and be what know. Pour into someone else to increase their power so you can increase yours.

When you hoard knowledge, you deprive yourself of blessings and growth.” – Kemi Sogunle

Empowerment Coach