Empowerment comes from connecting to your true self

Empowerment comes from connecting to your true self


Being and living an empowered life means being connected to your true self all the time. Not when you’re just at home alone. Its being connected to your inner self in any environment and being present. I have a friend that I work with. She is really smart, talented, and has a lot of experience in her field. But she complains that she cannot be herself at work. She says she has to “put on” for work. One day she said out loud in frustration “ I just want to be myself…all the time…ugh”. This made me think about how many others live life like this.

Many may do it for their job, their family, their spouse or boyfriend, friends. But what’s the point? If you are not living as your true self then technically you are not really here. You are not present in all the moments that are happening in your life because you are being someone else.

You can’t truly enjoy moments because your mind and emotions are trying to balance out the version of you that is being displayed at that moment and version of you that is really you. This gets hard,  tiring and it doesn’t prove anything except that you’re wasting everyone’s time, especially your own. This is where stress, frustration and comparison start to play a part because when you aren’t connected to your true self you always feel in competition. Even with the smallest things – you feel it’s a competition.

But the competition is not on the outside, it’s all internal in  the thought process. See, none of your friends, coworkers or neighbors sit down at night and contemplate how to compete with you. People are not making blue prints on how to beat you at the game of life. No one does that. It’s in our minds that we believe this because we were taught at some point that our true self was not good enough. Think about that for a minute, no one is waking up every day to worry about how they can compete with you. It’s in our thoughts!  Why is it in our thoughts? Because you have down played your talents, told yourself you can’t measure up so you will settle for this, uplifted others instead of uplifting yourself, analyze and problem solved every scenario to help everybody else until you’re tired, and you haven’t invested time, energy and money into nurturing  your own natural talents. This is one way the belief gets formed that “I can’t be my true self because …..”(finish that sentence with whatever you tell yourself).

How would anything but stress and frustration come from this type thinking?!

Another way this belief gets formed is due to our upbringing. If you came from a religious background, strict parents, over protective parents, detached family, abusive family or lack of family then you may have been influenced in your formative years to downplay certain behaviors, talents, or your whole damn personality.

The corrections of behavior that came from influential family members were likely done when you were being your true self. As a youngster that’s all you know . At 3,4,5, or 8, years old you react, respond and think honestly in honor of your true self. But when someone shut that behavior down you took it as a truth. And when you corrected this behavior and didn’t repeat it you were acknowledged, praised, given hugs, not talked about, and not judged. This was the payoff. The only problem with this is that internal second guessing takes over and it never goes away. After awhile it becomes the standard, you don’t even notice it anymore. You constantly second guess yourself out of habit.

How do you get back to your true self without feeling guilty or ashamed about it.  First understand that this happens with everyone not just you. Second, you meditate. Mediation can be done in many forms, prayer, taking a walk, listening to music, connecting with positive soul centered individuals. This is that friend, family member or coworker that just gets it. They don’t judge, they listen, they are genuine and they are always working on bettering themselves, they walk the walk and talk the talk. That is a soul centered individual.

Coloring, drawing, writing, yoga, dancing, and sitting in quiet are also forms of meditation.

Mediation is one of my favorite activities. It takes time to master but the payoffs are amazing. I started off meditating for 3 minutes to a guided meditation. I remember that 3 minutes was like eternity for me. I was so in my head all the time and sitting still for 3 minutes not being distracted with something else was difficult. But as time went on my time increased, now I’m up to 30 minutes twice a day.

Writing is also a therapeutic way to release and reconnect to your true self. I have special journals that I keep just for writing. Writing doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be grammatically correct, and it doesn’t have to be shared. It’s for you and unless you are willing to share your writing, no one else needs to see it. It’s also a great way to connect to your creativity. You would be surprised at the aha moments you will stumble upon while writing. There have been a many of days when I literally do a brain dump on a blank page. There’s no flow, no rhythm, no periods, no sentences, just words on words on words pouring out like garbage. And in a sense it is garbage. It is every thought stuck in your head that keeps going round and round. Once you empty the garbage everything starts to look better.

You don’t need to do all of these activities, just one that resonates with you. Whatever peaks your interest or one that you’re drawn to, that’s the one to focus on. If you still aren’t sure try all of the activities until you find one that speaks to you.

When you start doing any one of these activities you will notice a spark goes off inside of you. Like a little spark of electricity or excitement, it’s small but meaningful. That is a sign you are connecting to your true self, your spirit. That is when you begin to feel empowered. Feeling empowered affects your state of mind and how you experience the world around you.

When you get into the habit of doing these types of activities you will start to feel comfortable being alone, more relaxed in your day to day life, more confident in your abilities and more in tune with your higher power.

 Empowerment is found when you are connected to your true self. There is power within you that is unique to only you. There is no competition because there is no one else like you. You can’t compete with an original.

Can you recall a time when you were connected to your true self? Did you feel confident? Were you working toward any goals, if so what were these goals?


How to calm your mind and reach your goal

How to calm your mind and reach your goal

In this post I am sharing a technique I use for myself when I have a goal but my mind is all over the place. Sometimes I find myself really excited about my goals. But because I am a curious creature by nature I get distracted easily when something new peaks my interest. I love to learn so when I find something interesting I want to dive in and learn all about it. This a great problem to have but when I need to work on a specific goal I cannot afford having my mind all over the place like this. It’s a total time suck.

You may be like me and love to learn so you want to absorb whatever you find interesting or you might get distracted by friends, family, work, Facebook, Instagram or Netflix.  This list could go on forever. 10 minutes reading an article on Facebook turns into 1 1/2 hours of googling about a topic, watching videos on youtube, or watching a webinar and registering for another webinar blah…blah…blah. It’s exhausting. I would get so frustrated with myself that I would want to give up. Then what ends up happening? I’m back on Facebook or youtube doing the exact thing that put me in this defeated mindset.

I learned this skill a few years ago from a book I read called The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch. The book explains that 80% of our results are derived from 20% of our efforts. To be honest using 20% of effort made this concept so appealing. I had to try it. I have tested this many a times and it never fails.

For my goals I use what I call a “Focus Map” it’s basically just an outline specific to one goal and one goal only but because I limit it to 6 items it forces me to focus on what is important steps for me take right now. Right now being within 30-60 days.

To make the focus map effective and reach your goals you must start with the end in mind. What is the ultimate result you want? That should be the at the top of your outline as the header. Next you want to add 5-10 action steps where you write down specific actions you will take. Number the steps and write the steps in present tense. Include due dates, time, names and as many clear details as possible. Keep your sentences as concise as possible.

The specifics of your outline should be in some type order with  something big enough to elevate your efforts in the #1 spot. If you are in a position where you can’t make #1 a big enough thing to elevate your efforts due to lack of funds  then your focus map needs to focus on meeting needs first! If any important needs are not met, i.e finances, health, family relationships then goals will be very difficult to meet let alone create. Needs have to be dealt with first and be in a place of stability in order for goals to be reached.

Here’s an example of a focus map.

Goal: Learn marketing to get a better paying job

  1. Finish marketing certification course ASAP! By 10/10/18
  2. Create valuable content weekly & share via social media and blog
  3. Meditate daily on goal, at least 10 minutes
  4. Create a creative space (get desk, chair, candles, crystals)
  5. Get a business coach/mentor by Nov 30th
  6. Join a professional business organization for networking opportunities

The power of outlining your goal into actionable steps allows your mind to focus on a positive thought process without using alot of effort. Action follows thoughts, repeated actions become habits.  In the example above if I was to go about using the typical thought process here is how my  goal would look in an outline.

Goal: Learn marketing to get a better paying job

  1. Research marketing certifications and decide which one take
  2. Read marketing books
  3. Sign up for newsletter on how to create content for blogs
  4. Go to Starbucks every Saturday and work on blog
  5. Register for writing classes
  6. Get business cards
  7. Start a blog
  8. Attend meetup groups
  9. Update resume
  10. Make linkedin profile
  11. Try to meet 3 new people every week
  12. Eat more fruit
  13. Wake up earlier to write & look for jobs.
  14. Make profile on all social media platforms
  15. Attend job fairs


There are 15 items on this list and in reality the logistics of this list would take 12 months to get done. For me this list would not work. If I don’t see my list dwindling dramatically I get bored and discouraged. If you are looking for quick results you will need to streamline what is the most important and why and focus only on those items until they are achieved.

Which list do you think will be better on your stress levels, keep your mind calm and actually get completed in the next 30 days??

Once you start knocking stuff off that list it really motivates your spirit to keep the momentum going.

The first list has actionable and measurable items that will get crossed off and replaced with new actionable  and measurable items. All you are really doing is taking the steps of moving from where you are to where you want to be into bite size pieces for optimum ease and flow.

Always remember that it’s the baby steps (20%) that create the life you want (80%).



What is Reiki?

I am a reiki practitioner that fell in love with it shortly after my first session. I was so impressed with how quickly it reduced my stress levels I had to invest more time to learn about this Japanese healing process. Maybe you’ve heard of reiki and have been curious about it. It is gaining a lot of recognition in the energy healing space. It is also known as a type of massage, touch therapy or hands on healing. What reiki really is a form of relaxation and stress reduction.

A reiki therapist or practitioner is a conduit for energy to flow to help shift the energy of the person receiving the reiki. The reiki practitioner is not putting their energy into the recipient or receiving energy from the recipient. A reiki master or practitioner is simply helping shift the energy within the recipient to remove blocks, shift energy, reduce stress and promote relaxation and healing.

Reiki is a Japanese technique that has been around the 1920’s. It is not a religion, there is nothing you have to believe in or are required to do to receive reiki treatment. It is the life force energy that flows through every single person. You can never get rid of energy, energy is in everything. You can shift energy, but you can never get rid of it.

During my first reiki session I was so nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I did a little research on the Internet before going to my first session and I thought “Oh God, what did I sign up for?!”  I was thinking I was about to waste 50 bucks for a nap.

My first reiki session was amazing. I was a little concerned because I did not know what to expect but it was worth the investment to go through this experience. What I experienced was a life changing experience. Relaxation does not begin to describe the of and bliss i felt during my session. The session took place at Silver Pyramid and it lasted about 40 minutes. Kris was the reiki master’s name. I recall feeling, like an emotional draw of some type but I am not sure why.  When I began to talk to Kris I was suddenly overcome with emotion. I felt like I could burst into tears. I did not cry though I told myself to control it.  I proceeded to get on the table and lay down. Most reiki practitioners use a massage table. You keep all clothes on.  I also left my shoes on. She said a short prayer, which she asked for permission to do and then began the reiki healing process. I believe she used crystals that she laid around me but I am not sure of the specific types of crystals. Her hands were hot.  I could feel the heat through my shirt when she touched my stomach and upper chest. Her hands were warm when she touched my head. I could hear my stomach swirling. It was loud like water swishing in a pool. I was kind of embarrassed because I didn’t remember feeling hungry or drinking a lot of liquid prior to her starting the session so I wasn’t sure why my stomach was making that noise.

Kris finished up the session and asked me to open my eyes. I felt giddy afterwards, like I was on a high.

What I experienced during the session:

  • Heat
  • Numbness/tingling
  • Stomach swirling
  • Mouth watering

Kris had explained that these things I felt were common things to experience during a session. It was all energy within me shifting. We had a short conversation about my experience and then I was off. I felt fantastic. Like I said earlier, immediately after the session I felt light like I was floating and in a state of bliss. After my first session I was hooked. I knew I had to learn more about this healing modality.

Kris did inform me that although my session was complete the shift of energy would continue over the next day or two. Below were some things I experienced after my session.

  • Crying for no reason
  • Traveling pain
  • Frequent Urination
  • Sleepiness

Kris assured me that these were all normal part of the energy healing process. These symptoms only lasted about a day for me. Everyone is different and every reiki session is different, so do not rely too heavily on my results. My second session was nothing like my first session. Results were completely different. But I will save that story for another time.

Try it for yourself. I highly recommend reiki.

Benefits of Reiki

As mentioned earlier reiki does promote relaxation and stress reduction but it also helps with:

  • Pain management
  • Depression
  • Sleep
  • Digestion
  • Reduces anxiety

How to use visualization for goals

This post is about the power of visualization.

I like to always include some type of visualization technique in my coaching because it really works, if you work it. The thing about visualization is that you must practice it for it to work.

My son jayden, he is my youngest, he’s 14, we were talking one day about goals. I have this talk with my kids at least once a year because goals are important and I think having clarity helps put a framework around goals. It helps propel you forward.  It’s necessary to have a blueprint to know where you want to go in life while allowing for flexibility. So, we were having this discussion and he shared that he wanted to dance like Chris brown. That surprised me because I didn’t know he liked dancing like that, let alone that he liked Chris Brown as a dancer. Chris is an outstanding dancer. At this point when he is explaining why he likes chris brown and his dancing I suggested that he visualize what he is doing in his life in regards to dancing like Chris brown. I asked him, are you performing as a dancer for Chris brown? Are you on stage in front of an audience dancing? Are you performing in competitions? Are you making music videos? What exactly do you see yourself doing as it relates to “dancing like Chris brown”. Since this was a goal of his, I wanted him to see a picture with very clear details around this goal. He confirmed that he could see himself dancing on stages, in front of large crowds, people cheering for him, he is helping choreograph dance moves, and that he has fiends with other hip hop dancers that also perform.

The importance of visualization is that thoughts create actions.

Many people think its just about pretending or imaging something that does not exist. If it didn’t exist then how did you think of it in the first place?

This idea or thing you see already exists, it just hasn’t appeared or manifested in your current reality YET. Your efforts are needed for manifestation to happen. Everything that is in our reality started with a thought, then it was followed by an action. A chair was a thought first. Then that person took action by making plans on how this it would look, they  brainstormed on a name for this thing to sit on, and then the next idea came and so on and s on until an object made of wood with 4 legs that was called a chair was presented to us. Today this is a mainstream every day essential piece of equipment that you do not think about. But it started as only a thought.

Ok, back to my story. I told Jayden to save that picture he saw in his mind. To frame it like a snapshot and every day for only a couple of minutes, to pull that picture up and see it. He only needed to see this picture for a couple of minutes but he needed to see the details within this picture. A couple of months later Jayden came back to me and said he wanted to take hip hop classes. He was very clear on the type of hip hop classes he wanted to take. He stated he wanted the class to be taught by a guy that was all about hip hop, highly skilled, and he wanted the class to be all guys because he wasn’t conformable dancing around girls.

I was like dude you gotta be kidding me. How was I going to find that?! But the thing that did not occur to me until later, is it already existed, this class he was describing already existed, Jayden could see it.  I was just a resource to connect him to this particular class and this particular instructor that he already saw in his mind. Sure enough I found this class with this instructor. Pure Movement dance in Allen, tx  had an all-boys hip hop class taught by Keith Green. His bio lists exactly what Jayden was looking for. I got Jay registered, funny that the class didn’t start until 6/27. I found this class 2 weeks before, just in time.

Jayden started the class, loved it, was encouraged to try out for Pure Movement’s hip hop team Abstrakt Crew, made the team and will be performing throughout dallas over the next year. He’s made friends with other hip hop dance enthusiasts, and most importantly he is connecting to his purpose and passion.

This is the power of visualization.

Seeing yourself already where you want to be. The thing about visualization to see yourself as your authentic self doing and being. It is not about creating a persona that has nothing to do with your purpose. Try this for 2 weeks with a small goal.

If you want to lose weight, shrink that goal down to something more specific like I want to eat more green vegatables and lean proteins and drink fresh spring water. Now picture yourself eating delicious green vegatabes, lean cuts of protein and drinking fresh icold spring water that quenches your thirst. See this picture every day for a couple of minutes.  Before you know it you will start taking action on that thought. You will be eating delicious green vegatables, lean cuts of quality grade meats and drinking fresh cold water that quenches your thirst like nothing else.

When you go to the store to buy food you will be drawn to by green verggies, lean cuts of protein and spring water. You won’t even think twice about it.   As a result you will have lost a few pounds and improve your health. Making a declaration like I want to lose weight is very broad, so broad that it would be difficult to create a picture with specific actions resulting in weight loss. But if you create a specific goal, like I want to dance like Chris Brown, then visualize what that means to you and how you see that playing out in reality (dancing on stage, dancing in front of large crowds, etc) then it’s easier for the correct actions to follow that thought process…i.e sign up for hip hop classes.

Another example.

I want to start my own business. That is too broad. Ask yourself if I want to be an entrepreneur what do I want to share with the world?

For this example, lets say you have a passion for travel, I know I do. we will say you want to help people see the world and make it affordable. How do you see yourself doing this task as it relates to being an entrepreneur? Are you creating an app? Are you getting certified as a travel agent and starting a franchise? Are you a travel blogger? Are you starting a tour guide company? Whatever it is you see; that’s the picture you want to remember and look at every day .

As you visualize this picture every day you will soon take an action that will take you one step closer to reaching your goal of starting your own business.

I hope this post was helpful in understanding why the power of visualization is truly powerful and understanding how it works.

Create a picture of you accomplishing your goal. Write it down and take a mental picture of it. Every day remember this picture and focus on it. It is always good to write down your goal and be descriptive as possible including as many details as you can see. Go back to this writing often to refresh the image in your mind if necessary. Try this and you will see your actions follow your thoughts.

With ease & flow,


Empowerment Coach